Where I am From

I am from a Mexican heritage.

I am from a huge family where I am just the odd one out.

I am from patched Eastside drive that was my home for so long.

From the warm tamales and the "ponche" made on Christmas eve.

I am from the "Si Dios quiere"

I am from the Christian faith, the Sunday's spent at church.

I am from a family who never stops trying to be better.

I am from here, but I am from there.

I am from Long Beach, California and Colima, Colima.

I am from a seahorse necklace and a ruby ring long lost who knows where.

I am from Adriana and Epifanio.

From scars on my two knees earned by being disobedient.

I am from God.

My Personal Credo

I believe in being able to do what I want to do despite what other may think. I believe that it is God who gives me the strength I need to do anything. It is in Him who I put all my trust in and who I confide in. It is God who allows me to wake up and start everyday with new energy. He is the reason I can sleep soundly at night because I know all those I care about are in His hands. In elementary school I played an angel in a school play and even though I still didn't fully understand His word then, I now know that He gives me a purpose in life. 

I believe in love. I believe that with love you discover a color wheel of emotions. There is the pale pink painted daisys that are randomly given to you, but there is also the lime green jealousy that blurs your vision. I believe in love at first sight and life long love. I believe that sometimes even if there is an infinite amount of love sometimes things just don't work out.

I believe in working hard to get whatever you want. I do not think it is enough to just yearn for the fancy house or the luxurious car. I believe you need a plan for the life ahead of you. Your life is your roller coaster and you should be eager to take the front seat. I believe that even if you have a life plan there are times when there is a sudden turn of events and things go tumbling down.

I believe in family. I believe in my family's bond. I believe we all have each others back no matter what. I believe that our families are the reasons so many of us keep going. God and my family give me all the strength I need. I believe that family is not just by blood, but by something on a totally different level. 

I believe that in diversity you find beauty. I believe that the most beautiful things happen without even planning them. I believe that the world is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. I do not agree with those who say otherwise. I believe that despite our differences we will someday be able to find the middle ground and be at peace with one another. We should not fight with one another over who should own because we will all cease to exist in the blink of an eye anyway.

I believe that our body's are our temples and that we honestly should treat it as such. I believe in God. I believe in love. I believe in family. I believe in working hard. I believe in the beauty of diversity. I believe in me. I believe in you.

The Day of His Death

The Mexican music was dancing through the air as my mom hummed to the beat while she cooked an elaborate dinner in the kitchen. I was coloring with my little sister in my Strawberry Shortcake coloring book. My youngest brother at the time was playing with his friend whom we all called "Dino" The sky outside was changing and turning different shades of blue and purple blended together. That humid breezy evening was one of the most peaceful evenings that I remember.

It was peaceful up until we heard the gunshot. Gunshots were common of course in that area, so we ignored it at first. The police sirens blared through the thin walls of the house soon after. I heard the police cars speeding up the hill bouncing on the bumpy patched up sorry road and instantly the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! We were all startled by the sudden knocks on the door and my dad was the one to answer. I remember her face stained with charcoal black eyeliner streaming all down her face. Lucero could not even speak and instead just cried calling her little brother over to her; she would not speak to us when we asked what was wrong. Once she held her brother and pulled her into her arms tightly squeezing the air out of him she ran out the door only to be followed by my parents who told us to stay with my uncle.

The sky outside was a clear Catalina blue with not a single cloud in sight. The trees and birds were all still around us and not even the grasshoppers chirped in the night. Even the police sirens were no longer disrupting the peace. My mom was the first noise I heard. She was running down the hill her hair blowing from left to right, while my dad tried to catch up, I finally understood what she was trying to tell no one in particular. My heart stopped beating for what felt like an eternity, yet only two seconds at the same time. "They shot Oscar! Oscar is dead!" He could not be dead, I thought to myself. That just was not possible because he was always protected. He might not have been that big of angel and was involved in gangs, but he was our Oscar, the one who watched over everyone. My mom's hands were moving from her face, to her hair, to our black Chevrolet, as she repeated the same words over and over not really listening to us. We didn't know how it happened just that it did in the blink of an eye. I stood there stunned still looking at the chaos slowly evolving all around me because I was no longer in this world. Our neighbors heard and some were staying in from the fear of being hurt, but others walked out to confront one another. I was alone. I remember not wanting anyone to touch me and feeling such a huge loss in my life because once again someone I loved was torn away from me.

We walked back up the hill to go to their house and the cries of grief were coming from everyone nearby. His mom was yelling out trying to get to her baby as her husband held her tightly to keep her from running in to all that was left of him in this world. When I turned towards their house I saw two people holding a black bag that evidently held his body, but they did not seem to care that he was in there. They tossed his body into the car and I was pushed out towards a house because I was too young for that they say. There were already three girls in there crying, but I still could not bring myself to cry. The pain and questions were burning through me like a raging fire. I heard Javi's name and I asked where he was only to be told that it was him who was shot and not his older brother. That was all it took to bring back the memories of our summers spent chasing each other and the plans we had for the summer that was only just beginning. Javi who was just a couple months over than me and who had been one of my best friends since forever would no longer help me climb the big oak tree; he would no longer be at my door to ask if I could go play. We wouldn’t ever cross the creek together to go to the neighborhood near us or go beyond the big boulders to go to the corner store with our friends. He was gone and I didn’t even say goodbye.

I don't remember anything else of that tragic night not even how or when I got home. His death was an accident that left his family torn apart because it had been Oscar who shot him. They loved each other with a love I'll never forget and even though it was an accident it still changed everyone from that day on. The day of his funeral it didn't feel or even look like him. Instead it was a boy who looked blue and with make up on his face. They took out his organs, Lucero told me. That's not him because Javier will forever be the guy I would play tag with and race through the trees with. Javi's memory will never cease to exist for as long as I live. I'll always remember the way he ran with the little brown paper bag to take Dino his lunch and the way he helped his mom with everything with no complaints. Rest in peace, Javi. We’ll always love you. From now on I’m never taking anyone’s life for granted.